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People Love Their Cars
Lady at the gas station: “Whenever I see someone with one of those stick shift cars, I feel sorry for them. Can they not afford a regular car?”
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People’s Brains Need To SHUT UP
Brain @6 a.m.: Hey I’m awake! Me: Go back to sleep! Brain: What are we gonna do today? Me: Gah!! Sleep!! Brain: We should do legs at the gym. Me: WHY WON’T YOU LET ME SLEEP??!! Brain: Duh. The sun is up.
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People Don’t Watch Nature Shows
I never watch nature shows. Ever. I won’t watch “Planet Earth” or anything having to do with baby animals or ecosystems or the rainforest or anything like that. It’s not that I don’t like the shows, its just that nature is so beautiful that it makes me cry. Seriously. Always. I used to weep like a baby during episodes of “Wild America.” I can barely sit out on the deck and watch the hummingbirds flit around my head without getting choked up at the wonder of it all. Baby elephants? Tigers? Manatees? No chance I’m watching that. No chance in hell.
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People Are Dumb
Had to evacuate my Wellness Center area at the YMCA today due to tornado warning. People get annoyed when they have to stand in the locker room for half an hour. “I only wanted to walk on the track.” ‘Why is the pool closed?” “Can I just go home?” “Is it over yet?” Whine whine whine. Made me wish the tornado had come just to SHUT THEM THE HELL UP.
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People Have Curly Hair
My hair has been so curly since I shaved my head. I’m thinking about wearing a pick in the back of it. You know…just in case it starts to get nappy.
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People Love the Latinos
A conversation I had with a coworker:
Me: I wonder where Julia is from. She has a thick accent. Maybe El Salvador?
Coworker: I always assumed she was from Mexico.
Me: Why immediately assume she’s from Mexico?
Coworker: Well, there are a lot of Mexicans around here.
Me: I know! I love Mexicans!!
Coworker: Really?
Me: Yes! And Puerto Ricans…and pretty much all Hispanic people.
Coworker: Are all your friends Hispanic?
Me: I wish!!
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People Take Supplements
It’s really, REALLY tempting to buy about thirteen different kinds of supplements now that I am lifting on a regular basis. I want to lose the fat and build more muscle, which is all well and good, but I will admit that some supplements scare the crap out of me! Nitric Oxide, for example. I’ve been reading about it, and while increased mental focus sounds really sweet, some of the product reviews are a little disturbing. One guy said he felt like punching a hole in the wall…another said he couldn’t stop doing pushups for like an hour. Maybe that’s one for down the road a bit…or never… Yeah, probably never. Scary!
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People Are Annoying
WantToPunch True story: the woman sitting behind me in the coffee shop is talking about how she and four of her friends were ALL pregnant at the same time. I’d tell her and her friends to stop being so slutty but she sounds really proud of it…
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Here are a few of our dates - check out the BEER BUS on June 4th, 2 lucky turds will win a $25 gas card! Hit me up for tix… they go fast!
info@gasolinesong.com
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People Get Osteoporosis
Women, did you know that weight-bearing exercises enhance bone growth and stop bone loss caused by osteoporosis? YOU can avoid bone loss by lifting weights! You don’t want holes in your bones, do you? To avoid gaining too much mass, lift low weight @ high reps. If you’re going for mass (like me), lift higher weights at lower reps.
